Feeling down yall. I feel as if life has nothing more to offer and that I have already experienced all that I need to live a meaningful life. If I were to die tomorrow, I feel that I may or may not die happy. But I am so young, this is not how an aspiring artist/musician/blogger/flash mobber/avid concert attender/coolcat/trendsetter should feel. I know that I have more to offer the world, but what does the world have 2 offer me?
I was reflecting about the past 2day. I have grown so much, I have gone through so much. 2K6 was the year I became alt. I discovered that I did not yearn for the mainstream. I was a soul attuned to the more cultured aspects of life. I began listening to indie music and soon discovered electro. Everything was new and exciting then, I was a lil alt born anew into the alt arena that, little did I kno, I would soon conquer. 2K7 was the year I began 2 become the master of my domain, I formed several bands but we broke up bc we couldn’t decide on names or musical directions. I also tried drugs for the first time. Life was an experiment then. 2K8 was the year I transgressed into an altgod. I formed a band, we were able to complete the creation of a song. I began to explore my sexuality. I fked an azn. My coke habit was going strong. Electro was alive and well…I saw Justice 36 times that year. Nothing could prepare me for the crash of 2k9.
Now we come 2 2k9, the yr that I died on the inside. Call me jaded, call me mature. Iono, but nothing was interesting. I had sulked in all the world could possible offer one to soak up. I was an omnipotent alt. I had seen both daft punk and justice several times while on coke and sometimes a lil e. What more is there in life? 2day, I got depressed for I have done it all, as you can clearly see, and there is nothing left 2 do in life.
///S0 FKIN B0R3D///
I began to sob silently in my bed. For the first time in my life I was truly venerable. I felt anguished and despaired. Agony was about 2 take a hold of me until I got a altphiany. There are things I have yet 2 accomplish, I can still have a meaningful life and in 2k10 I intend to make this happen.
THINGS I WANT 2 HAPPEN IN 2K10 FOR A MORE MEANINGFUL LIFE:
1. OD on Blow – I’ve been doing blow for a few years now. Met a group of hipster friends who indulged in this drug and I thought ‘y not me’? S0 I tried it. I found that it increased myself awareness, I found that it allowed me 2 express myself in ways I nvr imagined. Mainly I felt better than all the fkin fggts around me. And soon my art began to improve. Confidence is the driving force behind art. Why create art if u kno othr pplz art is better than yrs? It’s pointless then. Let’s all do coke and paint, yall.
2. Run a Alternative Nite Club – This would provide me with the most meaningful life evr. I would share my artistic vision with all that come 2 my club. I would create a shinning beacon of altness for all hipsters in my local scene. I would book bands I want 2 see, showcase cutting edge art and play my favorite songs in a meaningful and intense space. Coke would rain down from the ceiling and drinks would be free 4 me. I would get drnk as fk evry nite and partie with my closest friends. 2 live this dream would be truly rewarding.
3. Inherit My Parents Net Worth - The main reason I’m worried for my well being is the fact that my trust fund is nearly out of money and my parents are beginning 2 lose patience with my inability 2 create a sustainable income. They jus don’t understand that I don’t want 2 work in some fucking office and that I am a special person with amazing talent. They don’t see the world how I see it. They don’t understand that one day I will make it big by staying alt and that spending copious amounts of money on durgz+alcohol will one day lead to something great. If they stay the course and continue to subsidize my alternative lifestyle I will not wish 2 inherit their fortune in 2k10, but if they continue down this path of doubt, suspicious and jus keep the cash flowing I’ll b happy.
What do u hope for in 2k10?
Will u ‘grow’ in 2k10?
